茶花女-第13章

　　'YOU got here almost as quickly as we did, ' said Prudence.

　　'Yes, ' I replied mechanically. 'Where's Marguerite?'

　　'In her apartment.'

　　'By herself?'

　　'With Monsieur de G.'

　　I strode up and down in her drawing-room.

　　'Whatever's the matter with you?'

　　'Do you imagine I think it's funny waiting around like this for Monsieur de G to come out of Marguerite's?'

　　'You're being unreasonable too. You must understand that Marguerite can't show the Count the door. Monsieur de G has been with her a long time now; he's always given her a lot of money. He still does. Marguerite spends more than a hundred thousand francs a year; she has huge debts. The Duke sends her whatever she asks him for, but she doesn't always dare ask for everything she needs. She can't afford to fall out with the Count who gives her around ten thousand francs a year at least. Marguerite really loves you, my dear, but your affair with her mustn't get serious both for her sake and yours. Your allowance of seven or eight thousand francs wouldn't be anything like enough to pay for her extravagance; it won't even run to the upkeep of her carriage. Just take Marguerite for what she is ?a good- hearted, lively, pretty girl. Be her lover for a month, two months. Give her flowers, buy her sweets, pay for boxes at the theatre. But don't go getting any other ideas, and don't go in for silly jealous scenes. You know what sort of girl you're dealing with: Marguerite's no saint. She likes you, you love her, leave it at that. I think you're foolish to get so touchy！ You have the sweetest mistress in the whole of Paris！ She receives you in a magnificent apartment, she's covered in diamonds, she needn't cost you a penny unless you decide otherwise, and you're still not satisfied. Hang it all, you expect too much！'

　　'You're quite right, but I can't help it. The thought that this man is her lover is agony.'

　　'To begin with, ' Prudence went on, 'is he still her lover? He's just a man that she needs, that's all.

　　For two days now, she's closed her door to him. He came this morning. She had no alternative: she had to accept the tickets for the box and say he could escort her. He brought her home, he came up for a moment, but won't stay, or otherwise you wouldn't be waiting here. All very natural, as I see it. Anyhow, you don't mind the Duke?'

　　'No, but he's an old man, and I'm sure Marguerite isn't his mistress. In any case, a man can often put up with one affair, but not two. Even so, the ease with which he tolerates such an arrangement can look suspiciously calculating. It brings anyone who submits to it, even if he does so out of love, very close to people just one step beneath who make a business out of submitting and a profit out of their business.'

　　'Ah, dear man！ How behind the times you are！ How many times have I seen the noblest, the most fashionable, the wealthiest men do what I now advise, and they have done it without fuss or shame or remorse！ It happens every day of the week. How do you imagine all the kept women in Paris could carry on living the kind of lives they lead if they didn't have three of four lovers at the same time? There isn't a man around, however much money he had, who'd be rich enough to cover the expenses of a woman like Marguerite by himself. A private income of five hundred thousand francs is a colossal fortune in France; well, dear man, a private income of five hundred thousand francs wouldn't do it, and here's why. A man who has an income like that has an established household, horses, servants, carriages, hunting estates, friends; often he is married, he has children, he keeps a racing stable, he gambles, travels and a lot more besides. All these habits are so firmly rooted that he cannot drop them without appearing to be ruined and becoming the talk of the town. All in all, with five hundred thousand francs a year, he can't give a woman more than forty or fifty thousand in any twelve months, and even that's a great deal. So other lovers must make up the woman's annual expenditure. With Marguerite, it works out even more conveniently. By a miracle of heaven, she's got in with a rich old man worth ten millions whose wife and daughter are both dead and whose surviving relatives are nephews with a lot of money of their own. He gives her everything she wants without asking anything in exchange. But she can't ask him for more than seventy thousand francs a year, and I'm sure that if she did, then in spite of all his money and his affection for her, he would say no.

　　'All those young men in Paris with incomes of twenty or thirty thousand francs, that is with barely enough to get by in the circles they move in, are all quite aware, when they are the lovers of a woman like Marguerite, that their mistress couldn't even pay the rent or her servants on what they give her. They don't ever say that they know. They just appear not to see anything and, when they've had enough, they move on. If they are vain enough to want to provide for everything, they ruin themselves like idiots, and go off to get themselves killed in Africa, leaving a hundred thousand francs' worth of debts in Paris. And do you imagine that the woman is grateful? Not a bit of it. The very opposite. She'll say that she sacrificed her position for them, and that as long as she was with them she was losing money. Ah！ all these dealings strike you as shameful, don't they? But it's all true. You are a nice boy and I couldn't be fonder of you. I've lived among women like these for twenty years, and I know what they're like and what sort of stuff they're made of. I wouldn't want to see you taking to heart a caprice which some pretty girl has for you.

　　'Anyway, on top of all that, ' Prudence continued, 'let's say Margurite loves you enough to give up the Count and even the Duke, if the Duke should find out about your affair and tell her to choose between you and him. If that happened, then the sacrifice which she'd be making for you would be enormous, no question about it. What sacrifice could you make to match hers? When you'd had enough of her and didn't want to have anything more to do with her, what would you do to compensate her for what you'd made her lose? Nothing. You would have cut her off from the world in which her fortune and her future lay, she would have given you her best years, and she would be forgotten. Then you'd either turn out to be the usual sort and throw her past in her face, telling her as you walked out that you were only behaving like all her other lovers, and you'd abandon her to certain poverty. Or else you would behave correctly and, believing you had an obligation to keep her by you, you'd land yourself inevitably in trouble, for an affair such as this, forgiveable in a young man, is inexcusable in older men. It becomes an obstacle to everything. It stands in the way of family and ambition which are a man's second and last loves. So believe me, my friend, take things for what they are worth and women as they are, and never give a kept woman any right to say that you owe her anything whatsoever.'

　　All this was sensibly argued, and it had a logic of which I would not have thought Prudence capable. I could think of nothing to say in reply, except that she was right; I gave her my hand and thanked her for her advice.

　　'Come, come, ' she said, 'now just forget all this gloomy theorizing and laugh. Life is delightful, my dear, it all depends on the prism you look at it through. Listen, ask your friend Gaston. Now there's someone who strikes me as understanding love as I understand it. What you've got to realize ?and you'll be a dull lad if you don't ?is that not far from here there's a beautiful girl who is waiting impatiently to see the back of the man she's with, who is thinking about you, who is keeping tonight for you and who I'm sure loves you. Now come and stand by the window with me, and we'll watch the Count leave: it won't be long now before he leaves the field clear for us.'

　　Prudence opened a window and we leaned on our elbows side by side on the balcony.

　　She watched the occasional passers-by. I stood musing.

　　Everything she had said reverberated inside my head, and I could not help admitting that she was right. But the true love I felt for Marguerite was not easily reconciled with her arguments. Consequently, I heaved intermittent sighs which made Prudence turn round and shrug her shoulders, like a doctor who has lost all hope of a patient.

　　'How clearly we see how brief life is, ' I said to myself, 'in the fleeting passage of our sensations！ I have known Marguerite for only two days, she has been my mistress since just yesterday, and yet she has so overrun my thoughts, my heart and my life that a visit from this Count de G can make me wretched.'

　　Finally, the Count emerged, got into his carriage and drove off. Prudence closed her window.

　　At the same instant, Marguerite was already calling us.

　　'Come quickly, the table is being set, ' she said, 'and we'll have supper.'

　　When I entered her apartment, Marguerite ran towards me, threw her arms around my neck and kissed me with all her might.

　　'Are we still grumpy, then?' she said to me.

　　'No, that's all finished with, ' answered Prudence, 'I've been telling him a few home-truths, and he's promised to be good.'

　　'Wonderful！'

　　Despite myself, I cast a glance in the direction of the bed. It had not been disturbed: as for Marguerite, she had already changed into a white dressing-gown.

　　We sat down at table.

　　Charm, sweetness, high-spirits ?Marguerite had everything, and from time to time I had to admit that I had no right to ask anything else of her, that many a man would be happy to be in my shoes and that, like Virgil's shepherd, I had only to partake of the easy times which a god, or rather a goddess, held out to me.

　　I tried to put Prudence's theories into practice and be as gay as my two companions. But what came naturally to them was an effort for me, and my excited laughter, which they misunderstood, was very close to tears.

　　At length, supper ended and I remained alone with Marguerite. As was her habit, she went and sat on her rug in front of the fire and looked sadly into the flames in the hearth.

　　She was thinking！ Of what? I cannot say. But I looked at her with love and almost with dread at the thought of what I was prepared to suffer for her sake.

　　'Do you know what I was thinking?'

　　'No.'

　　'About this scheme I've hit on.'

　　'And what is this scheme?'

　　'I can't tell you yet, but I can tell you what'll happen if it works. What would happen is that is a month from now I'd be free, I wouldn't have any more debts, and we'd go and spend the summer in the country together.'

　　'And can't you tell me how this is to be managed?'

　　'No. All it needs is for you to love me as I love you, and everything will come out right.'

　　'And did you hit on this scheme all by yourself?'

　　'Yes.'

　　'And you will see it through alone?'

　　'I'll have all the worry myself, ' Marguerite said with a smile which I shall never forget, 'but we will both share the profits.'

　　I recalled Manon Lescaut running through M. de B's money with Des Grieux.

　　I answered a little roughly as I got to my feet:

　　'You will be good enough, my dear Marguerite, to allow me to share the profits of only those enterprises which I myself contrive and execute.'

　　'And what does that mean?'

　　'It means that I strongly suspect that Count de G is your associate in this splendid scheme, of which I accept neither the costs nor the profits.'

　　'Don't be childish. I thought you loved me, but I was wrong. As you wish.'

　　And, so saying, she got up, opened her piano and once more began playing The Invitation to the Waltz as for as the famous passage in the major key which always got the better of her.

　　Was this done out of habit, or was it to remind me of the day we first met? All I know is that with this tune, the memories came flooding back and, drawing close to her, I took her head in my hands and kissed her.

　　'Do you forgive me?' I said.

　　'Can't you tell?' she answered. 'But note that this is just our second day, and already I've got something to forgive you for. You're not very good at keeping your promises of blind obedience.'

　　'I'm sorry, Marguerite, I love you too much, and I just have to know everything you think. What you suggested just now should make me jump for joy, but your mysteriousness about what happens before the plan is carried out makes my heart sink.'

　　'Oh come now, let's talk about this seriously for a moment, ' she went on, taking my two hands and looking at me with a bewitching smile which I was quite incapable of resisting. 'You love me, do you not, and you'd be happy to spend three or four months alone with me in the country? I too would be happy for us to be alone together, not just happy to go away with you but I need to for my health. I can't leave Paris for so long without putting my affairs in order, and the affairs of a woman like me are invariably very tangled. Well, I've found a way of bringing it all together ?my affairs and my love for you, yes, you, don't laugh, I'm mad enough to be in love with you！ And then you get all hoity-toity and start coming out with fine words. Silly boy！ Silly, silly boy！ Just remember that I love you and don't worry your head about a thing. Well, is it agreed?'

　　'Everything you want is agreed, as you know very well.'

　　'In that case, a month from now we'll be in some village or other, strolling by the river and drinking milk. It must sound odd to you hearing me, Marguerite Gautier, talk like this. The fact is, my dear, that when life in Paris, which ostensibly makes me so happy, is not burning me out, it bores me. When that happens, I get sudden yearnings to lead a quieter life which would remind me of my childhood. Everybody, whatever has become of them since, has had a childhood. Oh！ don't worry, I'm not about to tell you that I'm the daughter of a retired colonel and that I was raised at Saint- Denis. I'm just a poor girl from the country who couldn't even write her name six years ago. I expect you're relieved, aren't you！ Why is it that you should be the first man I've ever approached to share the joy of the desire which has come upon me? I suppose it's because I sensed that you loved me for my sake and not for yours, whereas the others never loved me except for themselves.

　　'I've been to the country many times, but never the way I should have liked. I'm counting on you to provide the simple happiness I want. Don't be unkind: indulge me. Tell yourself this: "She's not likely to live to be old, and some day I should be sorry I didn't do the very first thing she ever asked me, for it was such a simple thing."'

　　What answer could I give to such words, especially with the memory of a first night of love behind me and with the prospect of a second to come?

　　An hour later, I was holding Marguerite in my arms, and if she had asked me to commit a crime for her, I would have obeyed.

　　I left her at six in the morning. Before I went, I said:

　　'Shall I see you this evening?'

　　She kissed me harder, but did not reply.

　　During the day, I received a letter containing these words:

　　'Darling boy, I'm not very well and the doctor has told me to rest, I shall go to bed early tonight and so shall not see you. But, as a reward, I shall expect you tomorrow at noon. I love you.'

　　My first thought was: 'She's deceiving me！'

　　An icy sweat broke out on my forehead, for I was already too much in love with her not to be aghast at the thought.

　　And yet I was going to have to expect it to happen almost daily with Marguerite; it had often happened with my other mistresses without it ever bothering me too much. How was it then that this woman had such power over my life?

　　Then, since I had the key to her apartment, I thought I might call and see her as usual. In this way, I should know the truth soon enough, and if I found a man there, I would offer to give him satisfaction.

　　To while away the time, I went to the Champs-Elysees. I stayed there for four hours. She did not make an appearance. In the evening, I looked in at all the theatres where she usually went. She was not in any of them.

　　At eleven o'clock, I made my way to the rue d'Antin.

　　There was no light in any of Marguerite's windows. Even so, I rang.

　　The porter asked me where I wanted to go.

　　'To Mademoiselle Gautier's, ' I said.

　　'She's not back.'

　　'I'll go up and wait.'

　　'There's nobody in.'

　　Of course, he had his orders which I could have circumvented since I had a key, but I was afraid of an embarrassing scene and went away.

　　But I did not go home. I could not leave the street and did not take my eyes off Marguerite's house for a moment. I felt that I still had something to learn, or at least that my suspicions were about to be confirmed.

　　About midnight, a brougham, which was all too familiar, pulled up near number 9.

　　Count de G got out and went into the house after dismissing his coach.

　　For a moment, I hoped that he was about to be told, as I had been, that Marguerite was not at home, and that I should see him come out again. But I was still waiting at four in the morning.

　　These last three weeks, I have suffered a great deal. But it has been nothing compared with what I suffered that night.

　　鈥溎�来得几乎跟我们一样快！鈥澠章傻彼慷晕宜怠�

　　鈥準堑模�鈥澪也患偎妓鞯鼗卮鹚担�鈥溌旮窭鎏卦谀亩�？鈥�

　　鈥溤诩依铩ｂ��

　　鈥溡桓鋈寺穑库��

　　鈥湼鶪伯爵在一起。鈥�

　　我跨着大步在客厅里来回走着。

　　鈥溹龋�您怎么啦？鈥�

　　鈥溎�以为我在这儿等着G伯爵从玛格丽特家里出来很有趣吗？鈥�

　　鈥溎�太不通情理了。要知道玛格丽特是不能请伯爵吃闭门羹的。G伯爵跟她来往已经很久，他一直给她很多钱，现在还在给她。玛格丽特一年要花十多万法郎，她欠了很多债。只要她开口，公爵总能满足她的要求，但是她不敢要公爵负担全部开销。伯爵每年至少给她万把法郎，她不能和他闹翻。玛格丽特非常爱您，亲爱的朋友，但是您跟她的关系，为了你们各自的利益，您不应该看得过于认真的。您那七八千法郎的津贴费是不够这个姑娘挥霍的，连维修她的马车也不够。您要恰如其分地把玛格丽特当作一个聪明美丽的好姑娘对待；做她一两个月的情人，送点鲜花、糖果和包厢票给她，其他的事您就不必操心啦！别再跟她闹什么争风吃醋的可笑把戏了。您很清楚您是在跟谁打交道，玛格丽特又不是什么贞洁女人，她很喜欢您，您也很喜欢她，其他的您就不用管了。我认为您这样容易动感情是很可爱的！您有巴黎最讨人喜欢的女人做情妇！她满身戴着钻石，在富丽堂皇的住宅里接待您，只要您愿意，她又不要您花一个子儿，而您还要不高兴。真见鬼！您的要求也太过分了。鈥�

　　鈥溎�说得对，但是我没法控制自己，一想到这个人是她的情人，我心里就别扭。鈥�

　　鈥湶还�，鈥澠章傻彼拷幼潘担�鈥溝鹊每纯此�现在还是不是她的情人？只是用得着他罢了，仅此而已。

　　鈥溋教煲岳矗�玛格丽特没有让他进门，今天早上他来，她没有办法，只能接受了他的包厢票，让他陪着去看戏，接着又送她回家，到她家里去坐一会。既然您在这儿等着，他不会久留的。依我看，这一切都是很平常的事。再说，您对公爵不是也容忍下来了吗？鈥�

　　鈥準堑模�可是公爵是个老头儿呀，我拿得准玛格丽特不是他的情妇。再说，人们一般也只能容忍一个这样的关系，哪里还能容忍两个呢。行这种方便真像是一个圈套，同意这样做的男人，即便是为了爱情也罢，活像下层社会里用这种默许的方法去赚钱的人一样。鈥�

　　鈥湴。∥仪装�的，您太老脑筋了！我见过多少人而且还都是些最高贵，最英俊，最富有的人，他们都在做我劝您做的这种事。何况干这种事又不费什么力气，用不到害臊，大可问心无愧！这样的事司空见惯。而且作为巴黎的妓女，她们不同时有那么三四个情人的话，您要她们怎样来维持那样的排场呢？不可能有谁有一笔那么巨大的家产来独力承担像玛格丽特那样一个姑娘的花费的。每年有五十万法郎的收入，在法国也可算是一个大财主了。可是，我亲爱的朋友，有了五十万法郎的年金还是应付不了，这是因为：一个有这样一笔进款的男人，总有一座豪华的住宅，还有一些马匹、仆役、车辆，还要打打猎，还要应酬交际。一般说一个这样的人总是结过婚的，他有孩子，要跑马，要赌钱，要旅行，谁知道他还要干些什么！这些生活习惯已经根深蒂固，一旦改变，别人就要以为他破产了，就会有流言蜚语。这样算下来，这个人即使每年有五十万法郎的收入，他一年里面花在一个女人身上的钱决不能超过四万到五万法郎，这已经是相当多的了。那么，这个女人就需要别的情人来弥补她开支的不足，玛格丽特已经算是不错的了，像天上掉下了奇迹似的遇上了一个有万贯家财的老头儿，他的妻子和女儿又都死掉了，他的那些侄子外甥自己也很有钱。因此玛格丽特可以有求必应，不必付什么代价，但即便他是这么一个大富翁，每年也至多给她七万法郎，而且我可以断定，假如玛格丽特再要求得多一些，尽管他家大业大，并且也疼爱她，他也会拒绝的。鈥�

　　鈥溤诎屠瑁�那些一年只有两三万法郎收入的年轻人，也就是说，那些勉强能够维持他们自己那个圈子里的生活的年轻人，如果他们有一个像玛格丽特那样的女人做情妇的话，他们心里很明白，他们给她的钱还不够付她的房租和仆役的工资。他们不会对她说他们知道这些情况，他们视而不见，装聋作哑，当他们玩够了，就一走了之。如果他们爱好虚荣，想负担一切开销，那就会像个傻瓜似的落得个身败名裂，在巴黎欠下十万法郎的债，最后跑到非洲去送掉性命完事。您以为那些女人就会因此而感激他们吗？根本不会；相反，她们会说她们为了他们而牺牲了自己的利益，会说在他们相好的时候，倒贴了他们钱财。啊！您觉得这些事很可耻，是吗？这些都是事实。您是一个可爱的青年，我从心底里喜欢您，我在妓女圈子里已经混了二十个年头了，我知道她们是些什么人，也知道应该怎样来看待她们，因此，我不愿意看到您把一个漂亮姑娘的逢场作戏当了真。

　　鈥溤偎担�除此之外，鈥澠章傻彼考绦�说，鈥溔绻�公爵发现了你们的私情，要她在您和他之间选择，而玛格丽特因为爱您而放弃了伯爵和公爵，那么她为您作出的牺牲就太大了，这是无可争辩的事实，您能为她作出同样的牺牲吗？您？当您感到厌烦了，当您不再需要她的时候，您怎样来赔偿她为您蒙受的损失呢？什么也没有！您可能会把她和她那个天地隔绝开来，那个天地里有她的财产和她的前途，她也可能把她最美好的岁月给了您，而您却会把她忘得一干二净。倘若您是一个普通的男人，那么您就会揭她过去的伤疤，对她说您也只不过像她过去的情人那样离开了她，使她陷入悲惨的境地；或者您是一个有良心的人，觉得有责任把她留在身边，那么您就要为自己招来不可避免的不幸。因为，这种关系对一个年轻人来说是可以原谅的，但对一个成年人来说就不一样了。这种男人们的第二次、也是最后一次的爱情，成了您一切事业的累赘，它不容于家庭，也使您丧失雄心壮志。所以，相信我的话吧，我的朋友，您要实事求是些，是什么样的女人就当什么样的女人来对待，无论在哪一方面，也不要让自己去欠一个妓女的情分。鈥�

　　普律当丝说得合情合理，很有逻辑，这是出乎我意料之外的。我无言以对，只是觉得她说得对，我握住她的手，感谢她给我的忠告。

　　鈥溗懔耍�算了，鈥澦�对我说，鈥湺�开这些讨厌的大道理，开开心心做人吧，生活是美好的，亲爱的，就看您对人生抱什么态度。喂，去问问您的朋友加斯东吧，我对爱情有这样的看法，也是受了他的影响；您应该明白这些道理，不然您就要成为一个不知趣的孩子了。因为隔壁还有一个美丽的姑娘正在不耐烦地等她家里的客人离开，她在想您，今天晚上她要和您一起过，她爱您，我对此有充分把握。现在，您跟我一起到窗口去吧，等着瞧伯爵离开，他很快就会让位给我们的。鈥�

　　普律当丝打开一扇窗子，我们肩并肩地倚在阳台上。

　　我望着路上稀少的行人，脑子里却杂念丛生。

　　听了她刚才对我讲的一番话，我心乱如麻，但是我又不能不承认她说得有道理，然而我对玛格丽特的一片真情，很难和她讲的这些道理联系得上，因此我不时地唉声叹气，普律当丝听见了，就回过头来向我望望，耸耸肩膀，活像一个对病人失去信心的医生。

　　鈥溣捎诟芯醯难杆伲�鈥澪倚睦锵耄�鈥溡虼宋颐蔷透械饺松�是那么短促！我认识玛格丽特只不过两天，昨天开始她才成了我的情妇，但她已经深深地印在我的思想、我的心灵和我的生命里，以致这位G伯爵的来访使我痛苦万分。鈥�

　　伯爵终于出来了，坐上车子走了。普律当丝关上窗子。

　　就在这个时�